Santa baby...

In 1953, Eartha Kitt first begged ‘Santa Baby’ to ‘hurry down the chimney’. Since then the song has been covered, almost yearly, by a whole host of stars- Kylie, Madonna and Miss Piggy to name but a few. It may be a tongue in cheek tune but I believe its enduring popularity is down to the fact that we all understand Miss Kitt’s impatience. By this time of year, who isn’t ready to be lavished with expensive gifts?

My only issue is that it is no longer 1953 and Eartha’s Christmas list is now somewhat out of date. A sable for instance remains a cosy cover-up, but the practicalities of wearing one out in central London circa 2011 must be considered. Even the warmest mink can’t shelter you from the cold wind of an animal lover’s disapproval- or a PETA activist’s paintbrush.  A convertible presents a similarly ill-informed choice by modern day standards. If Eartha were to see the extortionate price of parking/ petrol/ insurance I’m sure she’d revise her choice… a Yaris or Smart car perhaps? I won’t even start on the platinum mine but I’m thinking of ‘Blood Diamond’.

With this (and my own Christmas list) in mind, I decided to revise ‘Santa Baby’.  Some may say I’ve lost the tongue in cheek comedy of the song in downgrading Eartha’s hyperbolic aspirations. All I can say in my defense is that, considering my current financial situation, these gifts are no more realistic.

Santa Baby,

Just slip a bronzer under the tree

For me

Been an awful pale girl

Santa Baby,

So hurry down the high street tonight

Santa baby,

A Shu Uemura eye-shadow too

Dark blue

I'll wear it ev’ry night of the year

Santa baby,

So hurry down the high street tonight

Think of all the shopping missed

I’ve been working hard- not getting pissed

Next year I swear I’ll get a job

Can I have a lipstick in ‘throb’?

Santa Baby,

I really want a cream blusher pot

A lot

Been an angel all year

Santa Baby,

So hurry down the high street tonight

Santa Honey,

Make sure concealer is on my list

In Bisque

No other colour will do

Santa Baby,

So hurry down the high street tonight

Santa cutie,

If you’re stopping by YSL

Oh hell

Get me a touché eclat

Santa cutie,

So hurry down the high street tonight

Come and sniff my Jo Malone

Wild Bluebell is my fav’rite cologne   

Failing that some Chanel will do

I’ll pick up some CK for you

Santa Baby,

If you’re passing by Benefit

A kit

For the eyes and the lips

Santa Baby,

So hurry down the high street tonight

hurry down the high street tonight!

Would I lie to you?

I love a miracle ingredient. Sea-weed extract, Tahitian sand-dust, hair from a golden unicorn. Tell me it will make my eyes brighter, lips plumper or lashes longer and it immediately shoots to the top of my ‘most coveted’ list. 

      I believe that the roots of this weakness can be traced back to those early L’oreal adverts. Jennifer Aniston, flicking that inhumanly glossy hair and commanding me to ‘concentrate’ on the all important ‘science bit.’ I did more than concentrate - I sat enraptured as the screen filled with computer generated images of hair, miraculously repaired by the latest protein-rich formula. 

      At the time this fascination may have been passed off as a phase but age, combined with a shady grasp of science has only exacerbated the problem. The thing is, the explanations are all so convincingly logical! I may not remember the exact purpose of collagen, but a vague recollection of the its being banded around in GCSE biology is enough to convince me of its usefulness.

      Garnier’s use of caffeine in the fight against dark circles is even more obvious- anyone with basic life experience can see the link there! If a skinny caramel cappuccino can perk you up in the morning, why shouldn’t external usage combat the outward signs of sleep deprivation? 

      Recently however I have noticed a miracle ingredient that has left even me raising a quizzical brow. Anyone who has not been hiding under a rock for the past month can be in no doubt that Kate Moss has launched a new lipstick for Rimmel containing nothing less than...black diamonds. The first time that my flatmate (Milly) and I saw the advert for these, we sat for a moment in silent confusion. Neither of us knew much about diamonds but we knew that they were pricey and therefore viewed their existence in a £5.49 lipstick with some suspicion. 

      Now questioning faith in cosmetic propaganda may come naturally to some but for me the experience presents something akin to an existential crisis - I had to do some research. Thankfully the Rimmel website provided a comprehensive explanation. The lipsticks actually contain black diamond pigment and as (in my mind at least), pigment= tiny amount, its usage becomes infinitely more plausible. Phew! My faith was once again restored.

      After I’ve just blathered on about the Kate Moss lipsticks, you might assume that I would be testing one. Nevertheless, seeing as all and sundry seem to have chucked in their two-penny’s worth on this subject, I’ve opted for another cosmetic trend entirely: Coloured mascaras. I’m not talking about the electric blue/ violent violet varieties so popular in the late 1990s. The new wave of coloured mascaras treat colour like caffeine, collagen or pro-keratin complex 312; like a miracle ingredient. The concept is simple and (as you may have guessed) oh so logical. A mascara injected with a little colour (blue/ green/ brown), will help bring out the corresponding colour in your own eyes. There are a few different brands experimenting with colour but as I’ve always had a soft spot for L’Oreal’s Million Dollar Lash mascara I decided to try out the Volume Million Lashes Luminizer in Blue (£11.49)...

Now I wouldn’t say that I’m completely disappointed in the results. Like it’s predecessor the mascara coats my lashes well giving them good length, volume and... a slight blue tinge. Any less subtle and this might have left me looking like the fifth member of Bewitched but as it is, it’s actually quite pleasant. The only problem is, I’m not sure whether it really works. When I bounced into Milly’s room, eager to show her the results, she took me into the light, frowned at me intently for a while, and then delivered this unintentionally damning verdict: 

‘Well, your eyelashes certainly look bluer!’  

Hmmm. Not quite the response I was looking for. 

What a Difference a Brow Makes

Has anyone noticed that there is a new mark of the sophisticate among celebrity classes? A subtle sign that an individual wishes to be taken seriously by the public and their fellow professionals? You may raise your eyebrows but this brings me on to exactly what I am going to talk about: The rise of the perfectly groomed eyebrow. Cheryl Cole makes an exemplary case study for the phenomenon. Cast your mind back to Chezza’s Pop Stars the Rivals auditions and you may be shocked to recall the sorry state that her now buxom brows were in. Ms Cole’s ascendancy may have involved her shedding a few pounds from her waist but her brows have undoubtedly gained weight. Wind forward a few years and history can be seen repeating itself in the in the face of her X-factor successor. Like Cheryl, Tulisa’s transformation from dubious teenage talent to national treasure has coincided with her brows taking on lustrous new proportions. That fact that both women swapped their Lycra for Lacroix is of course important but I would argue that their brow-volution has been equally, if not more, influential in reforming their public imag.

         A carefully conceived eyebrow can cause dramatic facial alteration, opening up the eye and creating a sense of symmetry and proportion. Nevertheless, I believe that like clothing, make-up, perfume etc. a brow has more than purely aesthetic significance. 

        Creatively employ a touch of amateur psychology and any number of implications can be read from the thickness, shape and colour of a lady’s brow. Over-plucked and crudely pencilled on brows, for example, I consider indicative of a petulant, adolescent character. This is not a generalisation snatched from mid-air but rather a stereotype reinforced throughout my school career. Hit teenage-dom and girls seem to become beholders of an all encompassing fear of the mono-brow.  Visit any high school in the land and the evidence of this is starkly apparent. Although one pleasant upshot is that the mono-brow is on the verge of extinction, now girls all too frequently seem to sway the other way. The barely-there-brow has reached such prevalence amongst teenage girls that, by mere association, I assume any female sporting the look is characteristically a mouthy gob-shite.

        Considering their ... ahem, past behaviour it is unsurprising that Cheryl and Tulisa have employed every trick in the book to rid their faces of such connotations. Their prominent yet beautifully groomed brows provide the exact antithesis to the aforementioned look and therefore indicate a very different character. For example, one might interpret the prominence of their brows as a sign of the ladies’ confidence in themselves and their own opinions. Their thickness could be read as a sign of maturity and sensitivity etc.

        You may laugh and say that I am reading far too much into the matter, that we cannot base our perception of a person’s character on the set of their brow. Nevertheless with such persuasive evidence to the contrary can you really be sure? If I have planted a seed of doubt in your mind, a small fear that an unflattering comment may be self-inscribed on your forehead, read on and rectify...

10 Steps to the perfect brows:

1.       Where to start: Imagine two parallel lines, one each side of your nose extending down through each nostril. The intersection between your brows and these lines is where they should actually start. If stray hairs are making their way into the central reservation, get rid of them.

2.        The arch: Now get a ruler. Place it horizontally across your face so that one corner is on the tip of your nose and the edge runs through your eye and brow. Position the ruler so that the edge runs through the outside iris. Where it meets your brow is where the highest part of the arch should fall.

3.       The arch part 2: Now use your discretion. You can manipulate nature but don’t fight it. If your arch falls a little nearer to the eye, say up to above the pupil, or a little further out (the outside edge of the iris) this is ok. Just don’t move out this zone.

4.       Where to finish: The main thing to bare in mind here is that you should never finish higher than you start. Imagine a horizontal line running across your forehead, grazing the starting points of your brows. Their ends should also reach this line. In fact they can go slightly below it, just as long as they’re not trailing into temple territory.

5.       Shaping: Now you’ve found the start, middle and finish points of your brows, all there is to do is shape them. The best way to do this is to take a white eye-liner and draw on the shape you want to achieve. Remember they should start thicker and elegantly taper off towards the finish point.

6.       Tweezing: Get a decent pair of slanted tweezers and make sure you’ve got good light and a clean mirror. Really you should use a magnifying mirror but I do understand if you, like me, find this too distressing. Now you can start tweezing the pencilled hairs, gripping them firmly and as close to the root as possible. DON’T get too radical too soon. You’ll see why next...

7.       Trimming: Before you start getting all pluck-happy with the long hairs take stock and trim. Use a brow brush to brush the hairs upwards.  Then, using a pair of nail scissors, trim the long hairs that extend beyond the upper line of the brow.

8.       Perfecting: If more tweezing still needs to be done then go ahead but by taking time out to trim you should have created a shapely brow without running the risk of bald spots.

9.       Colouring: Your brows are now fully shaped! Woop Woop! They do however probably still need a little perfecting. This can be done using brow powder, a brow pencil or brow wax.

-          Brow wax: I am a massive fan of Benefit’s brow wax, but as this is rather over budget, I really shouldn’t be endorsing it.

-          Brow powder: is hard to come by but a matte eye-shadow the colour or slightly darker than your natural brow colour is just as good. Apply it with a slanted brush and go sparingly at first and then build the colour to a desired intensity.

-          Brow pencil: Be cautious with this. After all your hard work with the shaping you don’t want to regress to the drawn on look due to heavy handedness.

10.  Voila! By now you should have perfect brows. All you need to do now is ensure that they stay that way. There are brow mascaras on the market but they’re quite costly and a bit of good old-fashioned hairspray does the job just as well. Spritz it onto your brow brush and then use this to brush your brows into the perfect shape. Again go gently. Helmet hair is bad enough but immobile brows are both uncomfortable and disturbing to others.

Foot Fatigue

So Fi, Nims and I returned from Spain somewhat altered. Now I would love to say that I was referring to our emotional or cultural development, that we’d departed summer camp with a new perspective on teaching, virtually fluent in Spanish, even armed with a fool-proof paella recipe.  No. The alteration I am talking about is a physical one... involving our feet. Three weeks of running around after small terrorists disguised as Spanish schoolchildren has left them chipped, cracked and paper dry. If I had travelled the Sahara barefoot I believe the effects would be similarly devastating.

                From day one I could have guessed that all was not to be plain sailing. I had thought that my position as teacher, initially at least, would earn me some reverence from my students but I was sorely mistaken. My first encounter with my charges involved my acting as a kind of glorified butler to them. Whilst they bounced out of their shining 4x4’s, flicking their hair and greeting their friends, it was my job to follow on, hefting their obscenely large suitcases and making awkward conversation with their uncomprehending parents. After running up and down countless flights of stairs and dropping a particularly sturdy case on my right foot, all the little Marias and Edu’s were safely ensconced in their rooms and my feet and I were no longer under the illusion that we might be on holiday.

                Over the next two weeks we barely stood still. If ours bums did make a vague motion chair-wards then the monitors, (evil Spanish child-minders sent by Satan to taunt me with their olive skin and child-friendly demeanours) would put on ‘Waka Waka’. Now I am not some kind of deranged Shakira fan who, even exhausted, cannot resist those Latino beats. Rather, when ‘Waka Waka’ boomed through the camp, child and adult alike were obliged to leap to their fatigued feet and dance a complicated routine, seemingly designed to expose any rhythmically challenged English on the premises. That Fi, Nims and I made it through the term was a coup; that our feet survived the ordeal was nothing short of miraculous. When I say survived however, I do so in the loosest sense of the word; still functioning but only just.

                My return home therefore signalled a pedi-SOS. I hot-footed/ limped my way to Boots and spent an embarrassing amount of time perusing the foot care aisle. Following an arduous selection process, I had narrowed it down five choice items, a combination designed to give me the ultimate foot care experience...

1.       Boots Gorgeous Feet, Smooth sweep foot file, £3.99 - Possibly my favourite step. This cheese-grater-like implement may be daunting at first but once you get going it’s worryingly addictive. Just firmly rub it against any dry or calloused areas and it simply erodes away the dead skin, leaving your feet silky smooth. If I were to make one recommendation it would be to put newspaper down. You’ll see why when you start filing.

2.       Boots Buffing Block, £1.52 - A very disappointing step. I think my expectations of this product were too high. Wrapped in its plastic packaging, its industrial gray and granular surface reminded me of pumice stone/ breeze block and I hoped the effects would be similarly abrasive. To the contrary it was, considering its purpose, confusingly smooth. Unless you are blessed with fairy soft feet (in which case this may be just the tool for you) I would file a little longer and give this a miss.

3.       Scholl Rough Skin Remover, £3.15 - Surprisingly effective step. Upon squirting out a little of this grainy substance I wondered if I might be in for a double disappointment. Nevertheless, looks can be deceiving and whilst in appearance it was rather similar to a gentle Apricot face wash Nims uses, it was actually surprisingly effective. After rubbing it all over and rinsing away, my feet were positively glowing. Also, I don’t know quite what magical ingredient they put in here but for days after my feet continued to shed skin. A little disconcerting but very necessary.

4.       Boots Deep Moisturising Foot Cream with mint lavender and marshmallow, £3.29 - The luxurious step. This thick, potent moisturiser was the perfect antidote to all the hard filing and buffing my feet had previously undergone. Although the minty smell was a little strange (I had to resist the urge to brush my teeth with it), it was nice to have my feet smell of something other than...well, feet.

5.       Scholl Healthy Nails Toe Nail Conditioner, £4.49 - The is-it-really-working step. During my in depth foray into the foot care aisle my eye was caught by this interesting product. I think I may have already mentioned that I am a sucker for packaging; a weakness that made this nail gel (encased in a fully functioning, brush tipped applicator pen) a must-have for me. To be fair the pen did its job perfectly. It was just the gel that I was unsure of and two weeks testing (as per packet instructions) has not altered this opinion. It’s fairly reasonable so maybe if you have particularly weak toe-nails give it a go but otherwise I wouldn’t bother.

Summer Steals

In theory I am a massive fan of the English summer. Strawberries and cream, Wimbledon, the introduction of Pimms o’clock (why this hour only exists from June to late August is beyond me) all make this a very special season. Nevertheless there is nothing like the British weather for, quite literally, putting a dampener on proceedings. Try as I might to enjoy the unpredictability and approach every day as a game of meteorological roulette, I am a girl that likes a plan. For this reason I attend most outdoor events at this time of year armed with a bag full of knitwear and a vague sense of dread.

                Climatic fluctuation means that I, like many of you I suspect, will be heading abroad for a good portion of the summer. Unfortunately the post-university financial situation (at the moment I am still refusing to classify myself as unemployed) does not stretch to much. South East Asia is definitely out of bounds and even a European beach holiday seems somewhat excessive. Instead Fi, Nims and I are attempting to side-step the financial cost of a holiday by offering our services as English teachers in a Spanish summer camp for two weeks. The problem is I am not the most child friendly of individuals and so hold a sneaking suspicion that whilst financial expenditure may be avoided, nervous collapse is imminent.

                For the present however I am trying to push such thoughts aside (and avoid planning the stimulating  English lessons I shall be providing 12 Spanish 14 year olds) by considering the problems foreign travel presents one’s make-up bag. As it turns out this is no light relief. When packing, numerous factors must be taken into consideration: changing skin tone, possibility of damage/ loss and Ryanair’s miserly luggage allowance being but a few. Also, if you are anything like me, your everyday ‘home make-up’ seems completely unsuitable for the more relaxed, beachier, generally better version of yourself that exists for these few, short weeks of the year. Suddenly foundation, liquid eyeliner and black mascara all lose their appeal. I do not care that I am the exact polar opposite of Heidi from 90210. Her naturally bronzed, dewy look is the epitome of beachy perfection and one that I am suddenly desperate to emulate, regardless of our differences.

                With all this taken into consideration, I have at last reached the conclusion that it is easier to invest in a few new, choice cosmetics than try and adapt my existing ones to the job. I have managed to persuade myself that, once you have factored in depositing a few items in various European hostels and your friend borrowing/ breaking your rather expensive bronzer, this is also (some might say conveniently) the cost effective alternative. With my fretful conscience soothed with cool and logical reasoning, I embarked on a mission to find five holiday essentials that would transform me into beach belle without breaking the bank...

1.       Natural Collection Tinted Moisturiser (£1.99)- Not only does a (sensibly achieved) sun-tan provide the best natural foundation but my more blemish-prone friends swear that sun exposure actually helps clear up their spots. With the need for heavy coverage eliminated, the subtle colour and even-ing effects of foundation are far more comfortably achieved through tinted moisturiser. This Natural Collection one is sheer enough to provide a healthy, dewy glow to the majority of skin tones.

2.       Mua Make Up Academy mascara 4 (£1.00)- As previously mentioned, heavy, black mascara in a beach situation does not sit well with me. If you share my opinion then this brown mascara will add subtle length and definition to your lashes without making you look like a misplaced Morticia. Admittedly the liquid is pretty thin so it takes a few layers to build up much thickness but at £1 who cares if it just lasts the length of the holiday?

3.       Softlips Vitamin Enriched Lipbalm (£1.83)- Constant movement between hot and air-conditioned environments can leave skin dehydrated and lips dry. This undesirable condition is best avoided by having an effective lip balm within reach at all times. This Softlips one is a touch more expensive than your average but, enriched with avocado and with an unusually high SPF of 20, it should provide a bit of extra protection in sunny conditions.

4.       Barry M eye pencil 19 (£2.99)- A couple of months ago I mentioned the spring/summer trend for blue eye colouring. If you haven’t yet been brave enough to give it a go then a holiday is the perfect opportunity to do so. Just a quick flick of his bright, slightly metallic, blue pencil will bring a touch of evening glamour to your eyes without drowning your face in make-up.

5.       Baked Highlighter, Primark (£2.50) - Possibly my favourite of all five holiday buys due to its multi-tasking properties. It can be applied to cheekbones, eyelids and even pressed onto lips (primed with lip balm) to create a subtle golden shimmer. It also has a handy built in mirror-genius.

Premature or Ahead of the Game... Where do you draw the line?

Large, tanned and perfectly smooth. In an ideal life I would be talking about my new Mulberry bag but no, I am in fact referring to Maria’s forehead. Those of you familiar with ITV2’s The Only Way is Essex will know who and what I’m talking about and those of you who are not? Well, I suggest you use your time procrastinating from revision productively and acquaint yourselves with the show.

                A few weeks ago now (sorry essay obligations have left me sadly behind the times) the female stars of the show congregated in one of their glittery abodes to sip champagne and exchange gossip. So far so normal but this was no usual afternoon gathering- this was a Botox party. Yes that’s right, one by one each tango-tastic lady set down their Moet and scampered upstairs to a waiting beautician who pumped their already flawless foreheads to a taunt perfection a newborn would envy.

                Now I’m well aware of the various negative reactions this party should spark in me. Outrage that girls younger than me feel the need for anti-ageing treatment; fear for a society in which getting your face pumped full of chemicals constitutes a social activity; confusion at why Maria’s forehead resembled one of her artificially inflated breasts etc. etc. I am slightly ashamed to admit however that the immediate question that leapt to my mind was... ‘Am I getting wrinkles?’ Now in my defence I have been plagued by age related worries recently. Having just finished my last essay, and consequently my university career, I think I may be excused in these.

                Afflicted with feelings of insecurity there was of course only one thing to do. Consult Nims. Together we inspected our faces and pointed out our flaws to one-another (NOT one-another’s flaws- very crucial difference there). After a thorough consultation we had reached one clear conclusion. It is never too soon to start anti-aging cream. The rejuvenating properties of the latest poly-protein may be completely fictional but, like belief in God/ Aliens, isn’t it better to abstain from complete scepticism until there is definitive proof to the contrary? After all, even if they are just glorified moisturisers, they’re not going to do you any harm.

                Unlike most religious beliefs however, a dedication to anti-aging cream requires a bit more than emotional investment. The majority available at boots came in between the £10 and £30 marks and there was only one I could find purchasable within my self-imposed budget of £5. Some of you may have heard of Ponds which for decades, perhaps centuries, has been a favourite with Grandmas the world over. Recently however the brand has undergone a rejuvenation all of its own and with fans like Kylie Minogue coming out the woodwork, I was ready to give its new anti-ageing cream a go.

                Now the problem with testing anti-aging creams is that it really is very hard to tell whether they’re working. I can’t say that I’m back to my 12 year old self but as this is a terrifying prospect (flared-jeans and buck-teeth ahoy) I can’t really fault it for this. Nevertheless I can provide you with an initial reaction which is... mixed. It is very thick and slightly greasy and although one application left my skin feeling silky smooth and well nourished, the next one left me considering whether you could have too much of a good thing. By night three my T-zone had a distinct shine and I suspected that sustained use on my nose area (already prone to spots) could have dire consequences. This is certainly not a rave review but neither is it all negative. If you suffer from dry skin then this would be great for you and I’m going to continue using it around my eyes and neck, areas prone to ageing but without the tendency to get greasy.

Must-have Mascara

In cosmetics, as in fashion, trends come and go. Nevertheless, just as our wardrobes will essentially always comprise of skirts, trousers and tops, so will some items forever hold a place in our make up bags. Mascara is one of these.

                Psychologists will tell us that our obsession with luscious lashes is connected to our pursuit of idealised western beauty. Apparently thick, dark lashes are associated with youth and innocence and are therefore guaranteed to bag us a mate. Although I doubt that this thought runs through many womens’ minds as they reach for the mascara in the morning, it is perhaps a theory we should ponder on more often. After all, it is very easy to overstep the mark with mascara and a couple of layers too many can shift you from looking all doe-eyed innocence to distinctly over-experienced. Very little is less attractive than tarantula lashes and although clumpy, messy lashes occasionally experience a fashion moment, sleek, separated and curled will always be in.

Of course finding mascara that fulfils these magic wishes is another matter and a problem made infinitely more difficult for me due to my personal weakness for mascara adverts. I know they’re all wearing false eye-lashes; since the advertising regulations changed they even tell me they’re wearing false eye-lashes, but I still honestly believe that buy that mascara, and people might mistake that poster girl and I for twins. Of course the upshot of this delusional belief is that I am eternally disappointed and have a room littered with half-finished mascaras wands. 
Matters are not made any easier by the shocking array of mascaras now available. Wands now come in all shapes and sizes, from bushy to spiky to curved to flexi and I think there may even be a vibrating one out there, scary! Nevertheless, whatever a variety’s particular claim to fame may be, the fundamental requirements of mascara remain the same. As long as it darkens, lengthens and thickens without caking or crumbling then I’m happy. Thankfully a couple of those mascaras we tested did just that.

Marks and Spencer Volume and Length Mascara (£3.00) – The big problem with this one was that it was just too small. The wand was tiny, more like a hairy cocktail stick than a proper brush and it didn’t make much impact on my scrawny lashes, let alone the thicker ones bestowed upon Grace and Nims. If I were to rummage for a silver lining in this cloud though, I would point out that its tiny proportions make it a good choice for a tiny evening bag. Or any fairy for that matter. 1/5

Collection 2000 Length and Definition Mascara (£4.99)- As previously mentioned, I am a sucker for packaging and this imitation skyscraper immediately grabbed my attention. Shortly after application we were all fairly impressed. Although the consistency was a little too thin, it did achieve good definition and length. Nevertheless, if our lashes were skyscrapers, the architects would’ve been sued. A few hours post-application and the fissures were already beginning to show and before long our Empire State style lashes had literally disintegrated to rubble beneath our eyes.  2/5

Natural Collection Lashbuild Mascara (£1.99)- There is no avoiding the obvious attraction to this one. At £1.99 it provided excellent value for money and really didn’t do a bad job either. Again the consistency was quite thin and so you needed quite a few layers to achieve optimum thickness. The bushy brush provided an even application though, easily avoiding the undesirable clogging effect. 3.5/5

Urban Outfitters Big lash Mascara (£5.00)- Ahh another packaging lover’s dream. A chunky tube covered in black and gold tiger print, promising me seductively feline eyes. In my opinion it delivered. A generously proportioned brush created a groomed finish by fanning out lashes and coating them evenly. Nims however still had reservations regarding the consistency of this one, which she felt was too thin. 4/5

Rimmel Extra Super Lash Mascara (4.99)- Despite this week’s top three all being unusually well received, Rimmel was the agreed winner. The spiral shaped brush separated lashes well, whilst the thicker liquid created a darker, more dramatic look. An effective mascara, even for the thickest of lashes. 4.5/5

Is that... Spring?

I went for a walk with my friend George the other day and there was something in the air... a smell (no, not George), a feeling.  For a while I struggled to put my finger on it but then it was there. It was spring. Now I know that cold weather is once again hitting the country this week and that if you’re anything like me the very thought of going out without scarf, gloves and coat will send a shiver down your spine, but I promise you, we’re almost there.

                As always, the shops have helpfully pre-empted the great transition to spring attire and the rails are already bursting with floral prints and enough nautical stripes to deck out the British Navy. Bekki and I ventured into Topshop the other day and she squealed with delight with the realisation that swimwear, the harbinger of summer, was once again in stock!

                The problem of is that in the middle of February such items are somewhat impractical and, as much as I appreciate frivolity in fashion, I also appreciate warmth. Yes that flowing  jump-suit would look fantastic with a pair of wedges on the Rivera but the only beach trip I’ve got planned is to the Gower and the Welsh winds can be very unforgiving. 

                Nevertheless all is not doom and gloom! There is one way you can nudge in spring (without achieving mild hypothermia in the process) and that is with your make up. Here is a little run down of the trends as seen on the 2011 spring catwalks to get you started...

1. Seventies Glow- Yes natural/ neutral is here again but as many seasons have taught us this is not necessarily any less work! Either go matte, with black mascara and a slick of nude lip-gloss or more dewy and sun kissed, with a lighter weight foundation and dab of highlighter.

2. Post-box Pout- If the plethora of recent awards shows has taught us anything, it’s that red lips are here to stay. Jessica Alba and Julianne Moore both sported perfectly painted lips, executing the trend with aplomb. Keep any smudgy rock-star leanings in check- It may be easier but the spring look requires pin point precision and brighter hues.

3. Chalky Neons- We may have seen bright eye-shadows before but this time they have a distinctly chalky finish, making them (fingers-crossed) far more wearable. The subtlety seems to be in keeping the rest of your make-up very minimal. Orange is the big colour but if that is a bit scary then there are also plenty of eye-catching aqua hues around.

4. Gilded Lady- Nothing looks better with a tan than a bit of gold (there’s a reason why ‘ethnic’ sees a revival practically every summer). Get a chunky gold eye crayon for extra intense colour or, if you’re feeling brave, give gilded lips a go.

5. Extreme Eyes- This spring provides a great excuse to get creative with your eyes. Think big, bold and bright and don’t limit eye-shadow to above the eye. Instead try a line just below the lower lash line to create an attention-grabbing look. If this is a bit too much, add variation and shape to the eye by applying a lighter, metallic shade to the inner corner.

So there you have it, a sample guide to the spring trends. Now I’m not suggesting you all charge boldly forth, gilded to the brows with lips to stop traffic, (a winter coat plus neon eye-shadow may well equal some odd glances) but keep these ideas in mind. Role them round your mouth a bit, maybe experiment in the safe confines of your bedroom. Start by using a bit of gold, a little highlighter and a touch of tangerine on a night out. Then, before you know it, spring will be here and your inner Seventies siren will be prepped and ready to be released!

Moisturisers for the Masses

Unfortunately moisturising in a student house is rarely fun. At the moment I follow a familiar morning routine which consists of struggling out of bed, tip-toeing across the cold lino and shivering whilst I wait for the shower to warm up. There is a brief respite whilst I scorch myself back into being but eventually I have to get out, tip-toe back to my room and shiver a bit more whilst I briskly rub moisturiser all over my body. The scenario often leaves me questioning why I bother. After all, if moisturising merely prolongs the time that my skin is exposed to the biting cold of our student house, why do it?

                Well, like many things I do, I suspect it has something to do with maternal indoctrination. When I was little I watched my mum perform the task as part of her morning routine and willingly rehearsed the same ritual myself. Although I no longer wish to emulate my mother (thank god as she has now extended her routine to include a spot of naked pilates), I still feel a twang of guilt if I don’t moisturise. Irritating as this might be, really I am thankful. It may be awful for a few moments to stand in the cold, shivering, but moisturise in the morning and you will be soft and delicately scented all day.

                Yet what scent to choose? Like perfumes, moisturisers are a matter of personal preference. Personally I’m a massive fan of Palmer’s cocoa butter but I understand that this is somewhat potent and not everyone shares my enthusiasm. I was temporarily put off it last year when a friend entered our kitchen and commented that he could smell chocolate. Rather sheepishly I was forced to admit that he was actually smelling me... from the other side of the room. Since then I have tried to tone down my love but I suspect I still have a slight propensity to smell like a baked good.  Just as there are many smells, there are also many textures. Fi and I agree that thicker is better (especially when you want intensive moisturiser post shaving) but these can take a while to sink in so if you’re always late for lectures I’d advise going for a thinner one.  

                There are a huge number of moisturisers out there and a lot of them are very reasonably priced so shop around. Although we were collectively repulsed by some of those we tested, quite a few of them got mixed reactions so taste does have a lot to do with this. Happy Shopping!

Dewberry Mure Sauvage body lotion- £3.99 The Body Shop

I had high expectations from The Body Shop but this was ghastly. The consistency was very watery and the smell was overpoweringly fruity. Bekki actually recoiled in horror when forced to take a sniff.  The product may be animal friendly but humans should beware. 0/5




Coconut and shea butter body lotion- £1.49 Superdrug
This was cheap but unfortunately you could tell. Admittedly it was at a slight disadvantage as the smell reminded us all of Malibu (a chief component in the punch we’d drunk the previous night) and so revived rather unpleasant memories for our stomachs. Still, as a state of hangover is not uncommon amongst the student population, a moisturiser reminiscent of an alcoholic beverage is never going to be good idea. 1.5/5

 

Essentials body lotion (for dry skin)- £1.62 Boots

Now reactions varied for this one. Whereas I was not a fan at all, Fi and Bekki actually quite liked it. Granted it had a good thick consistency, but I also felt it was quite oily so probably wouldn’t be that easily absorbed (unless you have excessively thirsty skin). The smell was also very controversial as it reminded us all of babies and in particular babies’ bottoms. Whereas Bekki didn’t feel this was a problem, I would resist smelling like a juvenile’s rear. 3/5

Happy Time body lotion- £3.56 Nivea

 Again, this was very controversial. Fi and Nims found the smell too sweet, and slightly fake-tan-like but Bekki and Grace both ranked it highly.  It definitely smelt summery and had a middling consistency; not too runny but not quite thick enough for my liking. I’d say this would be popular with quite a few people so if you’re browsing definitely give it a go. 3.5/5

Botanics Moisturising Body Balm with ginseng and cocoa butter- £3.17 Boots

 Along with my enthusiasm for moisturising, I have also inherited from my mother a taste for natural products so the active plant extracts in this one immediately appealed to me. The consistency was also satisfyingly thick and I really liked the smell as well. Nevertheless I should mention that Bekki and Grace both thought it smelt like something you’d hook on a toilet rim, so maybe not one for everybody. 4/5

A Spot of Bother

Living with Fiona (Moaner) and Naomi (I Moan), moaning is almost an obligatory activity. In fact the one positive thing about this exam/ essay-riddled period is that we all get to sit around during break time and have no shortage of things to moan about. Nevertheless, in recent days I have noticed that we’ve been returning with unusual frequency to the issue of spots. Although I have my crosses to bear, (uncontrollable fringe, resolutely straight eye-lashes, disproportionate nose etc.) spots have never really been one of them. Now however, be it the result of Christmas indulgence, a house full of female hormones or exam stress (I’m plumping for the latter), even I have been endowed with a particularly stubborn blighter near the corner of my mouth and a nose threatening mutiny.

                Thankfully if I voice my irritation with aforesaid problem then Moaner and I Moan are more than willing to blast me with a volley of their own complaints. Moaner will indicate an invisible but troubling outbreak near her ear and I moan is always quick on the uptake, ready with an equally distressing issue.

                There is however only so long that we can sit around vocalising our ailments before something has to be done. After all, I (some might say optimistically) still treasure the hope that one day we will once again emerge from the house/ library and, blinking in the sun, bare our faces in public. So, in hopeful readiness for this future, I set about researching routes to a clearer complexion.

                Unfortunately my first efforts were of little success. Although the Internet bore up tips-a-plenty from self-professed health gurus, most of the regimes I encountered involved cutting out caffeine/sugary foods/ alcohol and sleeping 8 hours a night etc. Now I’m sure that these are all good and effective but really, what is the likelihood of me or any other student achieving this during exam period? Starbucks coffee and Tesco chocolate mousse have pretty much become the highlights of my life.

                Nevertheless the Internet is a hotbed of resourceful (and desperate) souls and none perhaps more so than those found on acne org. These people have come up with a plethora of unlikely home remedies which apparently will shift the most stubborn of spots. Cheap, easy and effective, these sound right up my street and I for one will be testing them out over the forthcoming weeks. I suggest you do the same.

1)       Aspirin- Grind up your average aspirin in a little water and apply to the blemish, leave to dry (it will probably crumble off after a while), and enjoy reduced redness and diminished size.

2)      Drink green tea- I know this sounds unlikely (and it may take a little longer than some of the more topical methods) but apparently it really does work. It’s also meant to detoxify you and speed up your metabolism so if it doesn’t get rid of your spots at least you might end up skinny.

3)      Lemon juice – If you’re thinking of doing something with a lemon, its likely the users of acne org have beaten you to it. Dunk in solution or applied topically, lemon juice receives rave reviews. It can string a bit however so probably not best for sensitive skin.

4)       Egg white face mask- Yes, The only thing more surprising than people smearing egg white all over their faces is that it actually seems to work! The accepted method seems to involve daubing it on, leaving it to dry, then washing it off. After this blemishes should be reduced and pores tightened.

5)      Raw untreated honey mask- Now the RAW and UNTREATED elements of this treatment are very important. Invest in decent honey or you will just be smearing sugar and chemicals on your skin. This may be effective, I don’t know, but I’m not willing to recommend it. Once you’ve got the right honey however, you’re pretty much home and dry. Just slather it on, leave for 20 minutes, and wash away for a rejuvenated complexion.

Good luck and let me know how you get on!