So Fi, Nims and I returned from Spain somewhat altered. Now I would love to say that I was referring to our emotional or cultural development, that we’d departed summer camp with a new perspective on teaching, virtually fluent in Spanish, even armed with a fool-proof paella recipe. No. The alteration I am talking about is a physical one... involving our feet. Three weeks of running around after small terrorists disguised as Spanish schoolchildren has left them chipped, cracked and paper dry. If I had travelled the Sahara barefoot I believe the effects would be similarly devastating.
From day one I could have guessed that all was not to be plain sailing. I had thought that my position as teacher, initially at least, would earn me some reverence from my students but I was sorely mistaken. My first encounter with my charges involved my acting as a kind of glorified butler to them. Whilst they bounced out of their shining 4x4’s, flicking their hair and greeting their friends, it was my job to follow on, hefting their obscenely large suitcases and making awkward conversation with their uncomprehending parents. After running up and down countless flights of stairs and dropping a particularly sturdy case on my right foot, all the little Marias and Edu’s were safely ensconced in their rooms and my feet and I were no longer under the illusion that we might be on holiday.
Over the next two weeks we barely stood still. If ours bums did make a vague motion chair-wards then the monitors, (evil Spanish child-minders sent by Satan to taunt me with their olive skin and child-friendly demeanours) would put on ‘Waka Waka’. Now I am not some kind of deranged Shakira fan who, even exhausted, cannot resist those Latino beats. Rather, when ‘Waka Waka’ boomed through the camp, child and adult alike were obliged to leap to their fatigued feet and dance a complicated routine, seemingly designed to expose any rhythmically challenged English on the premises. That Fi, Nims and I made it through the term was a coup; that our feet survived the ordeal was nothing short of miraculous. When I say survived however, I do so in the loosest sense of the word; still functioning but only just.
My return home therefore signalled a pedi-SOS. I hot-footed/ limped my way to Boots and spent an embarrassing amount of time perusing the foot care aisle. Following an arduous selection process, I had narrowed it down five choice items, a combination designed to give me the ultimate foot care experience...
1. Boots Gorgeous Feet, Smooth sweep foot file, £3.99 - Possibly my favourite step. This cheese-grater-like implement may be daunting at first but once you get going it’s worryingly addictive. Just firmly rub it against any dry or calloused areas and it simply erodes away the dead skin, leaving your feet silky smooth. If I were to make one recommendation it would be to put newspaper down. You’ll see why when you start filing.
2. Boots Buffing Block, £1.52 - A very disappointing step. I think my expectations of this product were too high. Wrapped in its plastic packaging, its industrial gray and granular surface reminded me of pumice stone/ breeze block and I hoped the effects would be similarly abrasive. To the contrary it was, considering its purpose, confusingly smooth. Unless you are blessed with fairy soft feet (in which case this may be just the tool for you) I would file a little longer and give this a miss.
3. Scholl Rough Skin Remover, £3.15 - Surprisingly effective step. Upon squirting out a little of this grainy substance I wondered if I might be in for a double disappointment. Nevertheless, looks can be deceiving and whilst in appearance it was rather similar to a gentle Apricot face wash Nims uses, it was actually surprisingly effective. After rubbing it all over and rinsing away, my feet were positively glowing. Also, I don’t know quite what magical ingredient they put in here but for days after my feet continued to shed skin. A little disconcerting but very necessary.
4. Boots Deep Moisturising Foot Cream with mint lavender and marshmallow, £3.29 - The luxurious step. This thick, potent moisturiser was the perfect antidote to all the hard filing and buffing my feet had previously undergone. Although the minty smell was a little strange (I had to resist the urge to brush my teeth with it), it was nice to have my feet smell of something other than...well, feet.
5. Scholl Healthy Nails Toe Nail Conditioner, £4.49 - The is-it-really-working step. During my in depth foray into the foot care aisle my eye was caught by this interesting product. I think I may have already mentioned that I am a sucker for packaging; a weakness that made this nail gel (encased in a fully functioning, brush tipped applicator pen) a must-have for me. To be fair the pen did its job perfectly. It was just the gel that I was unsure of and two weeks testing (as per packet instructions) has not altered this opinion. It’s fairly reasonable so maybe if you have particularly weak toe-nails give it a go but otherwise I wouldn’t bother.
